Shia LaBoeuf’s Mutt never connects, while the fact that Cate Blanchett’s stern Russian baddie ends up feeling bland is near-inconceivable. But undeniably, the film begins to wobble from there, becoming tonally-muddled, with a meandering plot, off-putting turns by John Hurt and Ray Winstone, and CGI-assisted action sequences that just feel off. Crucially, most of that comes from the film’s opening hour, which holds up far better than given credit for. The shake, rattle, and rollin’ greasers-vs-jocks brawl and subsequent motorcycle chase is a blast, as is the Area 51 warehouse setpiece. The re-introduction of Indy himself - entering frame silhouette-first - is perfect. The opening hotrod chase, situating audiences in the 1950s, is masterful.

And while Crystal Skull doesn’t help itself at various points (the monkey-swinging vine sequence, the CGI aliens, the goofy quicksand scene), there’s still some stellar stuff here. Talk about immense pressure: living up to the original Indy trilogy was always going to be near-impossible. It is visually spectacular (a Ferris Wheel rolls down a pier), has a ridiculously catchy John Williams march, and is the answer to the pub question: “Which film features Toshiro Mifune, Christopher Lee and Mickey Rourke?” But it’s also monotonal, repetitive and, as critic Pauline Kael once eloquently put it, like “having your head stuck in a pinball machine for two hours.” Spielberg hasn’t made an out-and-out comedy since. Still, there are moments of jaw-dropping brilliance - a jitterbug dance sequence is as bravura as anything in West Side Story - and, in the midst of the cast shouting their heads off, has touches of sly wit (a tank becomes multi-coloured as it crashes through a paint factory, before being cleaned by careening through a turpentine warehouse). “The idea was terrible.” Spinning off from the real-life panic that swept through Los Angeles in the aftermath of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, the biggest misfire in Spielberg’s career was billed as a “Comedy Spectacular” (written by a pre- Back To The Future Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale) that for much of its running time is a laugh-free zone. “Steve’s direction was brilliant,” George Lucas once observed about 1941. Ranked order aside, taking an overview of his astonishing career is another reminder of just how lucky we are to have him. But a consensus was eventually reached – and you can read the official ordering below. There’s the impossible question though: among his many masterful works, which one stands tallest? Team Empire gathered to vote for the best Steven Spielberg films, picking from a catalogue packed with unimpeachable masterpieces. Across 34 features, he’s run the gamut of genres, tones, and emotions, with his own signature moves and thematic occupations shining through – and now, in The Fabelmans, he’s finally telling his own story in an autobiographical drama which underpins the dramatic threads of so many of his works. Has any filmmaker had as much of an impact on cinema and pop culture at large as Steven Spielberg? The director of many of the greatest blockbusters, most stirring dramas, most beloved kids’ films, most exciting thrillers, and most spine-tingling sci-fi movies of all time is one-of-a-kind – rising up in the New Hollywood era of the 1970s to redefine the landscape of Hollywood in every decade since.

Sexy girls stuck in mud quicksand